:(

"I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back." -the holiday



he's probably laughing and smiling, and having such a great time, and i'm sitting in my house crying my eyes out, finding it harder and harder to get out of bed, with no one willing to just sit with me, willing to just be here with me like i need them to. and he doesnt even know. he doesnt even care to know. he was too busy to even notice that something was wrong. he always notices. thats what i love about him, but he didnt whisper to me once. and i dont know when to say this is enough, this is me giving up. i dont know how or when to say anything anymore. i dont know what to do.