he should've been a politician.

I'm trying so hard to protect my heart right now that my mind is seriously not even functional. I haven't paid any attention to just about anything with a rational frame of mind. I've overreacted more times than I haven't this week, and I'm so stubborn to change anything.

I've been trying so hard to be apathetic to situations I know I can't be... which is basically any situation. I wish it was so much easier than this for me to just give up, let go, and move on.

In the past 6 months, I've needed my friends more than I ever have before. I've needed to live my life and know that I'm doing what I love, and making the right decisions.

I feel like everything in my life has been a destructive path leading to today. My friends and family would tell me, "bad things happen to good people." But I keep thinking to myself, "I've deserved this." I don't see the strength everyone is telling me it's built.

I feel like if I lose one more person in my life, I'd lose myself. But I can't stop pushing everyone away right now. I have some explaining to do to so many people, but I feel like I'm expecting them to care more than they would. I'm a lost cause.

I miss feeling like nothing could bring me down. That I could always be happy and that today would last forever and I'd be ok with it. I miss feeling like my life had a purpose. I feel like something huge is missing in my life.

To anyone I've hurt this week or ever, I'm sorry.
To anyone I've come to for help who haven't blown me off, thank you.
To anyone who has stuck by me no matter what, thank you.
To anyone who's calmed me down when I've broken down, you've saved me.

Someone tell me how I can just be happy again.
Someone tell me how to stop fooling myself.